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My Experience of Selective Mutism
By Ceri Davies
From an early age I felt unable to speak about frustrations and jealous feelings concerning my Dyspraxia, and my inability to play like other children, which made me afraid of hurting others, led me to speak less and less until I practically stopped talking altogether.
I was constantly worried and afraid that something I said might upset someone. At the same time, I also thought that occurrences or events were so obvious that it was unnecessary to say anything about them.
Eventually I became more and more unable to speak, which was frustrating and frightening and made me scared of being with people and socialising, so I preferred to watch others instead of making conversation.
I would psychologically shut off from people around me, and go into a sort of autistic trance. Just being near people became an incredibly scary experience, and I often felt as if something was actually physically stopping me from talking.
Also, the more I thought about speaking and the kinds of topics to talk about, the more desperate I felt. It seemed to be a vicious circle, the more I wanted to talk, the more I felt pressured about the situation, the less I felt able to speak.
I either tried to disappear or put myself in the spotlight with everyone expecting me to talk.
Over a number of years this became almost unbearable and while at university I seriously considered committing suicide, but I could never think of a physically easy way of doing it. Luckily when I attended a Stress Management course things began slowly to change for me when I made my first friend.
Then I moved into a flat in Exeter, and saw a notice about the Women’s Network.
I joined the network in January 2007 and attended a coffee group and an evening social both of which seemed to me to be full of confident, noisy women and I just couldn't cope.
So I joined a Social Anxiety group and began to explore my feelings, and read a book about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy that mentioned a technique called Exposure Therapy that involved getting slowly used to things or situations that are fearful. This gave me a possible way of trying out the network again.
So in April I tried out these ideas and aimed to stay at the Coffee Group for 30 minutes, and I stayed for 45, then the following week I managed to stay for an hour, and then finally I stayed for the full two hours. I had successfully beaten my fear of being with people, so then I tried out other groups and they were also OK, and now I anchor the Tea Party group.
However, I have really only very recently begun to feel accepted within the network, and I still find it difficult to talk if there is more than one person there, and my next goal is to conquer that fear too!!
By Ceri Davies
From an early age I felt unable to speak about frustrations and jealous feelings concerning my Dyspraxia, and my inability to play like other children, which made me afraid of hurting others, led me to speak less and less until I practically stopped talking altogether.
I was constantly worried and afraid that something I said might upset someone. At the same time, I also thought that occurrences or events were so obvious that it was unnecessary to say anything about them.
Eventually I became more and more unable to speak, which was frustrating and frightening and made me scared of being with people and socialising, so I preferred to watch others instead of making conversation.
I would psychologically shut off from people around me, and go into a sort of autistic trance. Just being near people became an incredibly scary experience, and I often felt as if something was actually physically stopping me from talking.
Also, the more I thought about speaking and the kinds of topics to talk about, the more desperate I felt. It seemed to be a vicious circle, the more I wanted to talk, the more I felt pressured about the situation, the less I felt able to speak.
I either tried to disappear or put myself in the spotlight with everyone expecting me to talk.
Over a number of years this became almost unbearable and while at university I seriously considered committing suicide, but I could never think of a physically easy way of doing it. Luckily when I attended a Stress Management course things began slowly to change for me when I made my first friend.
Then I moved into a flat in Exeter, and saw a notice about the Women’s Network.
I joined the network in January 2007 and attended a coffee group and an evening social both of which seemed to me to be full of confident, noisy women and I just couldn't cope.
So I joined a Social Anxiety group and began to explore my feelings, and read a book about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy that mentioned a technique called Exposure Therapy that involved getting slowly used to things or situations that are fearful. This gave me a possible way of trying out the network again.
So in April I tried out these ideas and aimed to stay at the Coffee Group for 30 minutes, and I stayed for 45, then the following week I managed to stay for an hour, and then finally I stayed for the full two hours. I had successfully beaten my fear of being with people, so then I tried out other groups and they were also OK, and now I anchor the Tea Party group.
However, I have really only very recently begun to feel accepted within the network, and I still find it difficult to talk if there is more than one person there, and my next goal is to conquer that fear too!!
