By Gilly Smith

I have always had a problem with ironing. Both hands argue over which one will do the work and it usually ends up with them taking turns (mid garment). This causes the electric flex to get tangled and then eventually I lose my temper, give the iron an almighty pull and promptly disassemble the ironing board!

In the past this “aversion” to ironing has given rise to a few bright ideas (oh dear), one of them being to avoid buying tops and shirts made of cotton (dries crunchy), but instead to buy man made fabrics, and to take the garments straight out of the washing machine and hang them directly onto hangers, then the washing line! (no peg marks).

I’ve just read a similar tip in Mary Colley’s book Living with Dyspraxia” I now have just slammed the book closed whilst letting out a loud “AH!”, and quickly scanning the room for hidden cameras whilst resisting the urge to lock this literary marvel away in a cupboard!

Now the new fangled invention these days seems to be the "steam iron". These to me are like little alien spaceships made from other world materials that seem to have a love affair with gravity! I have really tried to master these, but to no avail, they are just too big and heavy for me, and it just results in me ironing my clothes with as much dexterity as trying to tickle a crisp with a breeze block!

This dismal situation has forced me to have a bit of a boggling, blithering and balderdash session, or brainstorming to anyone else (although brain-storming for me would probably be like being hit by hurricanes and a tsunami all at the same time = total wipe out!)

I decided to see if I could buy a small "old fashioned" dry iron (this would be the boggling bit).

So off I went and looked. I saw many irons, all varying prices and all steam driven! Finally I found one (just the one), a small dry iron, that cost more than the steam ones; still I needed it, so a purchase was made.

I then thought of the struggle I have with small items and made a further purchase of a "sleeve board."

Looks like a mini ironing board with sawn off legs!

Now steam is a very useful commodity when trying to remove stubborn creases, however my new iron did not have this property, so…..I made my way to the "pound" shop to buy a small spray bottle (seems innocent enough doesn‘t it!).

However the shop did not have the kind that I had envisaged, all they had was one litre, pump action spray guns. So after standing there a while and pondering on this, I then thought "hey!" "this could actually work in my favour", and then I purchased the little wonder!

So there I was, in the evening, no one around to get in the way, just me and my new equipment (snigger).

The iron was hot, my clothes were positioned across the new ironing attachment and the spray gun had been pumped full of air, and was fully pressurised.............. it was ready to go!.

And with my ironing board now looking like the docking bay of Deep Space Nine, I hovered the spray gun over the garment (this is the blithering bit - (as in IDIOT!), I then depressed the trigger

(titter)……………..

Well (clears throat), Um, after the initial "kick back" from the gun as the mighty air pressure was finally released, all that could be heard was a gentle pitter patter - rain like sound as the ironing board and surrounding carpet got showered in a deluge of water!.

For a while I just stood there, still holding the trigger down, looking around and blinking slowly. I still can’t decide whether I was just slow to react or numb with utter humanity and disbelief, as once again I had somehow "managed it!"……..

...Yet another "Flushington's" award winning idea!

This is the balderdash bit, so called because it’s the only polite way I can explain the kind of words I muttered, as I spent the rest of the evening,
DRY ironing the
ironing board,
DRY!